I’m so sick of seeing people say “feminism is about *~*equality*~*!!!”
The end goal of feminism is equality, but feminism itself is about liberation: from white supremacy, from homophobia, from sexism, from ableism and all other forms of oppressive thought and behavior.
Without first dismantling the systems that keep us oppressed, equality is impossible.
(Trigger warning: rape, victim blaming) Anon asked
Question: I was in an abusive relationship that I never really told anyone about because he and another friend had me convinced that no one would believe me. Then I got involved with a guy who was worse and I felt like I couldn’t leave him because no one else wanted me. After he left me for someone else he continued to rape me. I got a repuation for casual sex because I felt like I couldn’t say no. And guys started forcing me. But my friends think I’m just a slut. My friends tell me that if I just laid there and cried then I wasn’t raped. Because I never gave them a reason to think they couldn’t have it. But there were times I tried to physically push them off of me. I would scream. But they would keep doing there thing. I tried going to counseling, but she told me I never gave the guys a reason to think I didn’t want sex. It’s been really a struggle. I argue with some of my closest friends who say I am playing the blame game.Answer: I’m so sorry to hear that your support network is treating you so poorly. I’m also sorry to hear about all of the trauma that you’ve experienced.I want to start by first acknowledging that one very common response to rape and sexual assault is having sex with numerous people and/or having diminished boundaries or an inability to know what are your boundaries and how to articulate them. For some, it feels like a means of trying to get back power that was taken away from you. For others, there’s a numbness and depression in the aftermath of an assault and/or abusive relationship that may make you less invested in what happens to your body. Whatever the reason, it’s really important that you know that any sexual activity that happened that you didn’t want to have happening was not your fault. If you are in a situation where you don’t feel like you can say no, then you haven’t consented.Now for your “friends.” Honestly, they are behaving in an extraordinarily shitty way. As friends it is their job to love and support you and they are doing exactly the opposite of that. And furthermore what kind of bullshit is “if you just laid there an cried then it wasn’t rape.” Um, HELLO. The only crying that should be happening in sex is crying from sheer bliss and physical pleasure. And it should be pretty fucking easy for someone to tell if you’re crying for that reason or because you’re upset. Anyone who continues to have sex with someone who is visibly upset is a rapist and a terrible human being. So I’m really not sure why your “friends” think that you crying isn’t a CLEAR indication of your non-consent. I know that things with friends can be complicated and I’m only seeing a snippet here, but I would encourage you to think strongly about your friends and the kinds of behavior you deserve from the people in your life who are supposed to love and support you.As for your therapist, she sounds terrible too. If you are crying, screaming, and trying to push someone off of you, that’s a pretty clear indication that you aren’t into what’s going on. Hell, even if you aren’t doing any of those things, it’s pretty easy to tell if someone is actively and enthusiastically consenting to what’s going on sexually or if they are just tolerating it. I’m mad that your therapist invalidated your feelings and didn’t help you process all of the trauma you experienced. I hope that you look for a different, less shitty therapist who actually knows what they are talking about and who is interested in supporting you, not telling you ridiculous lies about consent.Anon, I’m so sorry that everyone around you is failing you so terribly. I really hope that you are able to find some supportive people who believe that the trauma you’ve experienced is valid (it is!) and who want to support you in healing.
People have a knack of really over simplifying feminism like “feminism: the radical notion that women are people” or “feminism is literally just believing in equality” like… no its not its so much more complex than that ask any dingus if they think women and men should be equal they’ll probably say yeah but their actions and thoughts probably majorly contradict that so quit acting like anyones a feminist if they vaguely believe women are ok humans
The first dozen times I heard this, I was horrified. But I heard it over and over again. I realized that many young men are not being taught the impact that sexual assault has on a woman. They are inundated by sexual imagery in the media, and often come to the (incorrect) conclusion that having sex is not a big deal. This, no doubt, is why the number of sexual assaults is so high. —
Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak, on the question “Have any readers ever asked questions that shocked you?”
Read that again. Read it again, and again, and again. Over and over guys have asked her why Melinda was so upset about being raped. This is a girl who went to a party with friends. She was thirteen. She had a drink, because everyone else was. And a senior held her down and raped her while she was too drunk to get away.
And guys don’t understand why she was upset.
Read that again and then come back and tell me again why I should just shut up and take a joke when a comedian blows off rape as a big deal, or women’s bodies are casually treated as commodities in media. Remind me why I shouldn’t care about the very real harm that society’s treatment of women and sexual assault does.
YouTube comments aren’t “just the Internet.” They’re not the product of a group of otherwise nice guys who suddenly become evil when they wear a veil of anonymity. YouTube comments are actually a nightmarish glimpse into the sexist attitudes that define the fabric of our own existence in the “real world,” a world that, like YouTube, is owned and dominated by men. The most terrifying gift that the Internet has given us is that it’s shown us how men honestly perceive the world: as a place where women exist exclusively for their sexual pleasure.
In the wake of VidCon, and as more and more women start speaking up about the harassment they face online, it’s time to start realizing that our narrative of progress is deeply flawed. Things aren’t getting better for women on the Internet; they’re deteriorating and ignoring the problem amounts to being complicit in it.— "For women on the Internet, it doesn’t get better" by Samantha Allen (via albinwonderland)
The all-time U.S. leading goal scorer is Abby Wambach, with 167 goals, followed by Mia Hamm (158), Kristine Lilly (130), Michelle Akers (105) and Tiffeny Milbrett (100). In fact, Abby Wambach is the all-time leading goal scorer in the world, among all soccer players, male or female. —
ABBY MY LOVE